do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
