It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
