I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Terrible idea I love it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
