so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
