Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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