i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
