Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
