I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
