I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
