So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
