When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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