I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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