she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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