one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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