Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize