Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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