She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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