i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
