After last night, I could never be a politician.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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