Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
