What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
