a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
