Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize