Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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