i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
