is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I wish you could order shots online.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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