i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
