shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
