He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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