So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
