He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Damn victory sex feels great
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
