The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
