we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
