In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize