Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
