6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
