Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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