So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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