i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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