Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
