Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
