omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
