2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
