After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize