I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
