sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
