i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
