my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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