Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
