Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
