It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
