Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
