If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize