you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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