Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
