I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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