I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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