I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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