right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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