Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
