Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
