It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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