Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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