Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
