James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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