I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
