There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
