My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
