It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
