proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
